29 7 / 2013
Today was so exhausting. At camp, I could barely muster up any patience with the kids. It was because I went to bed really late and woke up at 5:55 am before my alarm went off at 6:15 am. I planned to clean the house because it is an absolute mess right now with clothes everywhere, dirty dishes piled up in the sink, dust bunnies lurking, and more. I was too tired to get any of it done. I guess tomorrow? Hopefully it will be a better work day and I will be able to get some house chores done.
28 7 / 2013
…And nothing changes. I still have the same problems. They rarely go away.
Sometimes I can understand why people decide to travel the world even if it costs a million dollars or something. You get to get away from it all.
16 4 / 2013
The poem “What It Hinges On,” first reminded me of freshman year. It was “headed for a cul-de-sac or some stunning culmination,” when suddenly, “a hinge.” I did not get my act together and deal with financial aid, really made sure everything was all set, and when it came around for paying for housing, I was screwed. All of a sudden, I was a girl without a home. My parents refused to help me. The whole reason why my life got so totally out of control and fucked was when my parents said they could not sign the parent-plus loan. They had bills themselves, they said. Still, they receive a huge stipend, and they replace their laminate sink in the bathroom with marble. How could they leave me so totally alone? And then the one person that would never leave me alone…the one person that would never stop loving me…is taken away from me. And here I am, an English major that cannot write an essay, a girl that loses things, a bitch that does not have any true friends.
20 3 / 2013
I almost forgot about the brilliant Tumblr, but fortunately a girl reminded me about it this afternoon when I was trying to clear my head of all the nonsense. I am not sure if I will ever succeed, but some good things did happen today and I want to share them.
1. Successfully copied Geography notes
2. Talked to Adam about roles of women in past history and he seemed to understand
3. I watched the blood transfusion video without getting angry and without having too many “buts” in my head
All I have to do is get through this week, get things set up for next week, and then I shall have an enjoyable weekend with my boyfriend in between work and telling myself I absolutely need to read what I managed to not read for the past weeks and get away with. Just because I got away with it does not mean I am off the hook.
I also had a cry-inducing daydream about my upcoming baptism. Good tears, I mean. Ever since Adam related to me about how apostles (I think that’s the term) are found this way, I cannot help but think I could be one of them! I have been looking for answers my whole life, and I have finally found some of them in the Bible. I finally know what is right. Now all I have to do is stay on this track, become an unbaptized publisher, and get baptized by next year.
Maybe Adam and I will beside to get married. I do not think I could wait anyhow. We talked throughout the blood video, but I stopped keeping track of my phone once I started my English homework. I believe he fell asleep anyway, the cutie pie.
I am worried about my grandmother and also my mom, I cannot contact them because Mom’s phone is once again turned off. I heard through the grapevine that Grammy is battling breast cancer for the second time in her life. I have been meaning to gift her with the Harry Potter series, and I still want to do that. She is a sweet lady who only wants good things for her only granddaughter.
This kind of turned into a journal article which I was definitely not intending on, but it is kind of nice to be able to journal again, writing down all my feelings and thought without the pencil or pen marks. Tomorrow I have English, then working on my project with Caitie, then studying for Geography, and then Creative Writing.
I forgot to mention I have to call Glastonbury High to see if I can do field work there. I really want to get this field work underway! Plus, I have to get my fingerprints done and do some background check with this organization that I do not remember the name of.
Oh, well, I have to get to sleep now. xoxo
06 2 / 2013
1. Simple cultural societies
2. Knowing the right answers
3. Sharing a connection
26 1 / 2013
"Choices are hinges of destiny."
23 1 / 2013
1. A Mercy
2. Humbling Poetry
3. Texting, Emailing, Facebooking
23 1 / 2013